P U R P O S E

P U R P O S E 

Such a little word that brings so many questions to light. One definition I looked up for purpose said "The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used" The moment I read that I was struck me with so much fear. Questions started running through my mind...panic

"What is my purpose?"

"Why do I exist?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Who am I supposed to be?"

"Where am I going?"

on and on and on and on and on and on they went

taking complete captive of my mind

(i felt like i was reliving my first ever blog post)

I am such a thinker. I can't turn it off. Once something has been put into my mind it doesn't go away until I have solved it, come up with a solution, completed it, or found something better to waste my never ending thoughts on. It can drive me crazy sometimes, especially when I am not wanting to think about something -- but simply not wanting to think about something makes me think about it that much more. 

So recently my thoughts have been entangled with the thought of what is my purpose? Do I even have one? I know the next two years will be spent teaching in KC, but that doesn't feel like my purpose -- the reason I exist. 

Then recently in class it was brought up by one of my classmates, Nate...

P U R P O S E

Our purpose as believers is simple -- To glorify the Lord & make disciples

Acts 20:22-24 "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."

Reading that without hope in a living Jesus is terrifying, but reading it knowing who my God is gives me so much joy and peace. I may not know everything that will happen in KC or after. I only know hard times will come, but that everywhere I go I have the task of telling people about God's great grace.

And friends, that's what I am going to do -- straight up tell people about my Jesus

Purpose isn't something that should cause me fear because I know my purpose its found at the cross!

I consider my life nothing to me 

I am in awe of my Jesus

Death keeps knocking at my door...

Death is knocking at my door again, but I am not choosing to answer quite like I thought I would.

My dad's cousin & best friend, basically an uncle to me, died yesterday. That is FIVE people in my most inner circle to have died in the past three years. A best friend to cancer, a college friend to a car crash, one of my longest & most treasured friends to a car crash, my uncle to years of drug and alcohol abuse, and now Steve. At first it was once a year, but now in the span of a year it has been about every 4 months.

Death seems to be catching up to me, but death can NOT win.

My greatest, deepest, and most intimate fear is that everyone around me and everyone I love is going to die. On top of this fear is the reality of the situation I am in! Which makes it a fear that is really easy to believe. This has developed into me always at defense and always ready to run. Run from anything that threatens me to grow roots that could just be ripped from me. I've noticed it in the way I long for intimate friendships, but sabotage them when they become a possibility. Because another friendship just set me up for another death. 

Tonight sorrow grips my heart so tightly as I see my dad struggle and mourn for the loss of Steve, but I am shocked at my own response to it all. I am shocked because I can vividly see how Christ has redeemed me and defeated death in its ENTIRETY. 

2 Timothy 1:9-10 "He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has DESTROYED DEATH and has brought life and immorality to light through the gospel."

I am confident in this because as I sat bawling in my car with my dad on the phone the other night as he was struggling with the idea that he would have to take his best friend off life support soon and watch him struggle in his last moments, as I sat there, my heart breaking, all I could proclaim was "My God is a good God." 

T R U T H always W I N S

So in the midst of my fear the lie I am believing is starting to grow dim in the light of the gospel. Death can knock at my door if it wants to, but it can not come in. Because Jesus Christ is victorious. He has WON, He has defeated death. There is no power in death, but there is POWER in the name of JESUS CHRIST! 

Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
We fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to him who showed great love
And bled for us
Freely you bled, for us

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

Beneath the weight of all our sin
You bow to none but heavens will
No scheme of hell, no scoffer's crown
No burden great can hold you down
In strength you reign
Forever let your church proclaim

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
The glory of God has defeated the night!

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
Our God is not dead, he's alive! he's alive!

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Rise up from the grave...

"Christ is risen" - Matt Maher

PICTURE PERFECT

This week we studied Hebrews! Hebrews is a solid book full of so much truth. But that can make it a lot to handle at once so it took me a while to weed through all I had learn to land on some simple truths.

2 things I walked away with:

1.     Jesus is superior of all

                Hebrews 8:6 “But in fact the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, since the new covenant is established on better promises.

2.     Jesus is the eternal High Priest and His sacrifice paid it all

                  Hebrews 7: 24-25 “but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent                   priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.”

                  Hebrews 9:28 “So Christ, was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many;                   and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.”

                  Hebrews 10:18 “And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no                   longer necessary.”                 

There is so much peace in knowing our sacrifice has been paid and then we can rest in that. Knowing Jesus is superior to the old law and we have freedom in him. I am thankful for these truths this week because it has allowed me to rest in the truth of who Jesus is and what he has done for me.

Life is going full force currently, but I realized recently that I hadn’t posted many pictures so here is overload of my time at the institute. Also, if you missed my last post you should go over and check it out (here). It’s all about what I will be doing after the institute.

My roommate, Weasel

Suit mates <3 

My Favorite Host Family Sister

I N S T I T U T E

My favorite small group 

Nertz ALL the time

#gottabuyacoat

I know... I know... I am the absolute worst when it comes to actually posting once a week. A month has gone by and I haven't written a thing. No excuses here, but since it has been so long let me be the first to say... 

Welcome Back, let's catch up!

So, we have been back at the Institute (if you don't know what that is or have forgotten click here) for almost a week now and I am reminded of how very thankful I am to be here! God continually reminds me of His COMPLETE faithfulness even when I am doubting or full of fear. The more I seek God the more He opens my eyes to the things I have missed in the past. He is a good God who picks me up when I have fallen and can't get up. He comforts me in my fear, and always provides for me in ways I don't even think I need. He loves me better than I will ever understand. Thankful. 

This week during class we jumped right in with Dr. Glenn Kreider from DTS. He spent three days with us discussing the Trinity. Trinity - 1 God, 3 Persons (Father, Son, & Spirit). It was a hard week because it is such an important topic, but also something we can't wrap our minds around. How can the Father, Son & Spirit all be equal, in unity with one another, and diverse at the same time? What I have learned this week is that scripture shows the plurality of God and explains His roles, but I also learned and hold tight to the fact that we have One God who loves us completely, is for us, and bigger than we will ever be able to comprehend until the day we are in His is presence and His glory has been fully revealed. Until then, I hold on to the hope that is in Christ whom the Father sent to redeem us and the seal of our inheritance through the Holy Spirit. That is the importance of the Trinity!

Deuteronomy 4:39-40 – "Know therefore today, and take it to your heart, that the LORD, He id God in heaven above and on the earth below; there is no other. So you shall keep His statutes and His commandments which I am giving you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may live long on the land which the LORD your God is giving you for all time."
Deuteronomy 6:4-5 – "Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all you soul and with all your might."
Ephesians 4:6 – “One God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.”
John 1:14 – “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.”
Ephesians 1:13-14 - "In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation - having also believe, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory.

There are many things to look forward to this semester and I have already seen glimpses of what is to come. Please continue to be praying for the Institute class of 2015. For complete vulnerability with the Lord and each other, for us to seek God and make the most of the short time we have left here, to ask hard questions and take the time to discover the answer, for unity, and for our futures as we all begin looking into what may be next. 

The next thing I need to do is go buy a dang coat. I have fought it for a while because I didn't see the point of buy an expensive coat just to end up back in Texas where a long sleeve tshirt is acceptable in winter, but turns out I will be staying in Missouri for at least two more years! I have been offered a place with Teach For America teaching Middle School Science in Kansas City, MO and I couldn't be MORE thrilled than I am. God is so good and I am so excited for this journey. If you remember please be praying for me as I embark on this new journey. Pray that I remain focused on being all here and investing in these last few months at the institute, but also be praying for a smooth transition, my future classes, my future students, and my first year of teaching! 

#gottabuyacoat

RECAP:

I am back!

1 God; 3 Persons

Be praying for the Institute

KC let's do it

Join me in the fight?

This week was a big week. In class we talked about Sexual Immorality, Pornography, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Mormonism, and the Millennial Generation, but more than that I also got the opportunity to go to a final interview with Teach For America. I am so excited to give you all more information on the process, the program, and hopefully the decision soon, but for now just be praying the Lord is glorified in the process and places me where He is calling me.

So in class we got to discuss a lot about different topics this week and some of it really hit home. We talked about the Millennial Generation and the effect that is going to have. This hit home because working with middle school students I have seen the effects the cultural we are living in currently. It’s sad. It’s hard. It seems hopeless.

After class this week I just was in this BLAH place. Why are fighting a battle that we seem to be losing? We know what the end is going to look like, we are told in Revelation and we are seeing our world tear itself a part…so what’s the point? That’s real honest, but that was really where I was at…

BUT

“’ Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be MORE joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” Luke 15:6-7

HE. GOES. AFTER. THE. ONE. SHEEP. PEOPLE.

ONE.

Do you see it? Do you hear it?

ONE PEOPLE!

That’s the point. It was so evident to me in that moment. We go after the lost sheep!! I was the lost sheep once and He came after me in His great love, mercy and grace. So, OF COURSE we keep fighting this battle because there is joy in ONE sinner who repents!

ONE

So we fight. Because Jesus has already won. So we fight. Because people are valuable. So we fight. Because Jesus fought for US. So we fight. Because we are to love the lost & the broken.

Join me in the fight?

CANADIANS ARE CRAZY!

FRIENDS. HOWDY!

Sorry I have been so M.I.A. I promise I will do my ABSOLUTE best to update you on my life since I haven’t really told yall much since…well about a month ago. So, today starts Thanksgiving break, which I am incredibly thankful for the chance to go home and see my family. However, I am also realizing how hard it is going to be to be away from my institute family for a whole week. You don’t realize how close you have become with people until you won’t be around them anymore.

So, as we walk into this break I can’t help but to look back on the time I have had here thus far. The word I continually land on is REFINING.

Daily we are faced with truth that we have to wrestle with. Constantly taking everything we hear, read, or say to scripture to evaluate what the Word of God truly says. It is completely tiring and refreshing all at the same time. I have been flooded with the fact that I don’t know nearly as much as I THOUGHT I knew. However, through it all God still amazes me with his sovereignty over time.

Two weeks ago we presented our big projects for this semester. We had 30 minutes each to teach the entire story of the bible from Genesis to Revelation. (side note: totally need more than 30 minutes to adequately teach it, but it was SOO fun to be able to sit and teach people the story that God has so purposefully put together) With that project, I was able to so clearly see God’s hand in EVERY part of the story, including the 400 years between the Old and New Testament. I wish more than anything I could tell you the whole story right here and now, and show you God’s sovereignty from beginning to end, but it would take me forever. (maybe stop by my house during break and I will tell ya it ;) ) But in all seriousness, I was and am still being blown away at how God has knit the story together with Jesus and the Redemption of His people. Yall he is GOOD!

But 2 and ½ months with 70 other people hasn’t been all cupcakes and flowers (totally wish it had been, cause I love me some flowers). It has been hard. Class has been challenging, community has been sharpening, comparison has been creeping up, spiritual warfare is real & trying to break our bonds as community.

REFINING - remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a substance), typically as part of an industrial process.

I didn’t choose the word refining because of all the incredible things I’ve learned or the amazing family I have made, but because God has been so clearly chipping away at the little unwanted elements of me. How thankful I am that our Savior doesn’t just swoop in, save us, and then run out.
PRAISE THE SHEPHERD FOR REFINING US ALL!

This week in class we studied church history. I didn’t love history in high school, but when I got to college it caught my attention and I started to like it, but only when the teacher is passionate about what they are teaching. Chad Hampsch taught us this week and boy was he on fire when he was teaching us about the history of the Christian Church. From the Roman Catholic Church, to the Puritans bringing the church to America, and to now as we continue to take gospel and church to places it hasn’t been before. I loved hearing the story come together since the Church began in Acts. I think there is so much value in being able to know our history so we can better defend our faith and beliefs. I don’t know if I could tell you everything because it was a lot for three days, but it excites me to learn more about the Churches history.

As, I head home, I ask that yall pray that I don’t get comfortable with home. That what I have learned here, the disciplines I’ve put into practice, and the relationships I have built to stop as I am home for a week. But I also ask that you pray that my time at home be a good time of fellowship and community with my family.

And in the words of Matt Rau: Church chicken is good with waffles.

recap:
BEING REFINED & THANKFUL

Where are you God?

Prophets are cool. They still apply today. Two weeks ago we had the opportunity to be taught about the prophets of the Old Testament by Blake Holmes from Watermark Community Church in Dallas, Texas. It was incredible how he was able to show us the big picture of each prophet and make it so applicable to today’s time. The prophet that stuck out most to me was Habakkuk.

Habakkuk is a prophet that is frustrated because he feels like the Lord is not there in the midst of all the violence and evil in this time. I think the reason it stuck out most to me was because there has been times in my life when I have asked those questions that Habakkuk is asking.

                                  “Where are you God?” “Are you just?” “Are you good?”

After his conversation with the Lord Habakkuk comes to the conclusion that regardless of circumstance God is still good and God is still sovereign.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 “Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.”

My prayer is that even when we all hit those moments where we are shattered and broken and asking the question “Where are you God?” that we turn back to God. Who we know God to be.

                                               

                                                                     Good & Sovereign.