Called Higher

"You have called me higher
  You have called me deeper
  And I will go where you lead me Lord"

            -All Sons and Daughters


I am in college. I sit in a classroom or with a text book open studying most of my days. I haven't done anything big or great. People don't know my name. And I don't care if that ever happens, but daily I am faced with the question....

"What is next?"
"Where are you going from here, Paige?"
"What are your plans after college?"
"What do you want to do?"
"What's the end goal?"

 The list goes on and on. Never ending.

This question is in the back of all college students minds (even some high school students minds, now). It haunts us wherever we go. Everyone we meet, the first thing they ask is "What is your major?" and the second is "What are you going to do with that?" For months, I have struggled with that question.

I NEED an answer to tell people.
I NEED something that would please peoples expectations.
I NEED some idea of what I am going to do.
I NEED to know now.
I NEED a plan.
If I don't have a plan how was I supposed to know where the Lord is calling me?
I NEEDED TO KNOW!

Truth is I don't know & I definitely don't have a plan.

But the real kicker is I am okay with that!! (Those that know me, know that not having a plan is like pigs flying in my world...let's just say I love lists!)

Crazy, right? I am totally okay with not knowing where I am going next. I am at peace and full of joy with this. I am not saying it never crosses my mind or that it doesn't still freak me out sometimes. But releasing that burden to the one who created my journey was a burden I no longer had to carry alone.

Two reason why I am okay with living without a plan.

1. I get to live in freedom NOW!

When you stop worrying about tomorrow you get to enjoy today! (which still is a challenge for me). There is so much happening in our present life why do we want to be weighed down on whats going to happen next.

One of my goals for this year is to experience experiences. From talking to someone you bump into on campus, to late study sessions with friends, or the big things like getting my Aggie ring in April (WHOOP!) I want to be able to truly experience what is going on. I don't want miss something happening now because I was worrying about tomorrow.

Not only does this freedom allow you to experience today, but it allows you to live for Christ today. Daily it is a struggle for me to understand how God is using me here as 1 of 50,000 undergraduate students on campus. He has called me to be here, but what for?

Luke 9:23 says " Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

I have to remind myself to deny myself and follow him daily. I have to remember its about Him not me. I don't have to see what He is doing through me. He doesn't need me! But He lovingly chooses to use me.

Letting go of my 5 year (10 year, 2 year, 25 year) plan allows me to DAILY follow Him. It allows me to experience the experiences He has put in front of me. It allows me to daily trust Him. Which bring me to reason 2 of why I am okay with not knowing what is next.

2. I get to rest in trusting His direction for me.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path."

My favorite part of this verse is that is says will make straight your path, not easy...not perfect... not what you want it to be... not what you think it will be... not what others want it to be...but straight...

A straight path can be bumpy! With ups and downs, a straight path can cause you to fall down, there might be rivers to cross and mountains to climb.

But it is a promise that He makes it straight.

I am okay with not knowing whats's next because GOD [that's the creator of the world, the creator of you and of me, the God that loves us completely, past my understanding, the God that extends graces and sacrificed His son so I could live] that God is in control of "what's next!" And that my friends, is comforting.

Someone once told me "walk faithfully and you can't go wrong." I have always held this close to my heart. If I choose to follow Jesus everyday He will lead me where I am called to be. He will use me how He wants me to be used. He will be lifted higher, He will be glorified. His name will be whats heard.

That is what I want. Like I said in the beginning I don't care if my name is ever remembered. I want the name of Christ to be remember. When people see "what I decide to do with my life when I graduate in May" I want them to see Jesus. I want them to see that His plan is sovereign and that He directs my path.

So I am choosing to follow Jesus. It isn't easy. I don't know where it is going to take me, but I know He has called me higher, He has called me deeper, and I will follow wherever He leads me.

What I have needed wasn't an answer to "what's next?"
I NEEDED my eyes on Jesus.