P U R P O S E

P U R P O S E 

Such a little word that brings so many questions to light. One definition I looked up for purpose said "The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used" The moment I read that I was struck me with so much fear. Questions started running through my mind...panic

"What is my purpose?"

"Why do I exist?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Who am I supposed to be?"

"Where am I going?"

on and on and on and on and on and on they went

taking complete captive of my mind

(i felt like i was reliving my first ever blog post)

I am such a thinker. I can't turn it off. Once something has been put into my mind it doesn't go away until I have solved it, come up with a solution, completed it, or found something better to waste my never ending thoughts on. It can drive me crazy sometimes, especially when I am not wanting to think about something -- but simply not wanting to think about something makes me think about it that much more. 

So recently my thoughts have been entangled with the thought of what is my purpose? Do I even have one? I know the next two years will be spent teaching in KC, but that doesn't feel like my purpose -- the reason I exist. 

Then recently in class it was brought up by one of my classmates, Nate...

P U R P O S E

Our purpose as believers is simple -- To glorify the Lord & make disciples

Acts 20:22-24 "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."

Reading that without hope in a living Jesus is terrifying, but reading it knowing who my God is gives me so much joy and peace. I may not know everything that will happen in KC or after. I only know hard times will come, but that everywhere I go I have the task of telling people about God's great grace.

And friends, that's what I am going to do -- straight up tell people about my Jesus

Purpose isn't something that should cause me fear because I know my purpose its found at the cross!

I consider my life nothing to me 

I am in awe of my Jesus

Death keeps knocking at my door...

Death is knocking at my door again, but I am not choosing to answer quite like I thought I would.

My dad's cousin & best friend, basically an uncle to me, died yesterday. That is FIVE people in my most inner circle to have died in the past three years. A best friend to cancer, a college friend to a car crash, one of my longest & most treasured friends to a car crash, my uncle to years of drug and alcohol abuse, and now Steve. At first it was once a year, but now in the span of a year it has been about every 4 months.

Death seems to be catching up to me, but death can NOT win.

My greatest, deepest, and most intimate fear is that everyone around me and everyone I love is going to die. On top of this fear is the reality of the situation I am in! Which makes it a fear that is really easy to believe. This has developed into me always at defense and always ready to run. Run from anything that threatens me to grow roots that could just be ripped from me. I've noticed it in the way I long for intimate friendships, but sabotage them when they become a possibility. Because another friendship just set me up for another death. 

Tonight sorrow grips my heart so tightly as I see my dad struggle and mourn for the loss of Steve, but I am shocked at my own response to it all. I am shocked because I can vividly see how Christ has redeemed me and defeated death in its ENTIRETY. 

2 Timothy 1:9-10 "He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has DESTROYED DEATH and has brought life and immorality to light through the gospel."

I am confident in this because as I sat bawling in my car with my dad on the phone the other night as he was struggling with the idea that he would have to take his best friend off life support soon and watch him struggle in his last moments, as I sat there, my heart breaking, all I could proclaim was "My God is a good God." 

T R U T H always W I N S

So in the midst of my fear the lie I am believing is starting to grow dim in the light of the gospel. Death can knock at my door if it wants to, but it can not come in. Because Jesus Christ is victorious. He has WON, He has defeated death. There is no power in death, but there is POWER in the name of JESUS CHRIST! 

Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
We fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to him who showed great love
And bled for us
Freely you bled, for us

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave!

Beneath the weight of all our sin
You bow to none but heavens will
No scheme of hell, no scoffer's crown
No burden great can hold you down
In strength you reign
Forever let your church proclaim

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
The glory of God has defeated the night!

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
Our God is not dead, he's alive! he's alive!

Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with him again
Come awake, come awake!
Come and rise up from the grave

Rise up from the grave...

"Christ is risen" - Matt Maher